Yeah, today was another day. Sucks but… not much I can do about it I guess. Well… actually I CAN do quite a bit about it, but as past experience has shown me, all it does is result in more problems.

Something I REALLY don’t want right now.

 

So lets talk about the good parts of the day for now.

Yep, that’s all.

Advertisements

Yes… I have started writing again! I think… I mean I seem to remember saying at least twice now that I would be back to regular writing but… you know, it’s me. Procrastination is what I seem to do best.

Well, this time I really am going to write constantly. Partially because I have so much I want to talk about, so much I’ve been meaning to write about, but mostly cause I just found this awesome new theme, and I would hate to put it to waste.

Now, a quick trip down memory lane… Does anyone remember a post about cycles? Or was it wheels… I really can’t remember. Maybe it was both. Maybe I was talking about my new BMX, but I’m pretty sure it was something a little more significant… well guess what happened again? Yeah… a few times… just like I said, a circle. Cycle. Wheel. Whatever. A something that keeps turning and ending up at the same point.

And does anyone remember my new year’s resolution? Yeah… neither do I. I suppose I could just scroll down and look it up, I know I posted it somewhere down there but… I have a feeling that it would ruin the whole point of it. That I have to remember it myself for it to mean something. That… and I just really can’t be bothered looking through all my posts to find it.

So… back to the now. Lots of interesting things happened recently. Take today for example. Do you ever feel like you are just… wasting your time with something? Or someone? That you try so hard to be the best person you can, and you are never appreciated? Now I’m not saying that is me… I’ll be the first to admit I can be a total jerk sometimes. Not the point. I think if anyone puts effort into changing themselves, into trying to make the best of a broken situation, they should be appreciated, no matter if they are successful or not.

I think one of the worst things possible is to be unappreciated. All that effort… wasted. You end up feeling like you don’t matter, like whatever you do, it just isn’t enough and you should just… give up.

Hmm… not quite the cheery, welcome back post I was hoping for, but I suppose there will be time for that later. You know, if I actually end up writing again…

 

…because you know it’s going to be awesome.

 

EMOTICON WARS!

…Ooh, now doesn’t that sound awesome? That’s probably my best title ever. Not sure though, don’t really remember al my other titles. I really should go back, take a look. Good titles are… good. All eye-catching and stuff. Make people WANT to read what you are writing. Although, too bad they all seem to be kind of emo and depressing. I really need to start using some happy titles. Or funny titles. Or like, have a comical question as the title, then reveal the slightly amusing answer at the end.

Yeah… I think I’ll do that next time.

If I remember.

…I won’t.

 

Anyway, to what I was actually going to write about. And yes, it IS going to be another rant, so feel free to get annoyed and ragequit this right now.

…Still with me? Okay… here goes…

 

So we ALL know those people. You know, that guy who only talks to you when they need help with something, or that girl that only talks to you when you are holding a party. Those kind of people are everyone, and yes, they are annoying. You just want to scream “PISS OFF” and slap them. A lot. But still… these annoying people are just that; annoying. Sure, you can’t wait until the day a piano falls on them, but until then you sit back and tolerate them.

Those people are nothing. It’s the really manipulative people that get to you. You know them. They are the really bad ones. The ones that use you for their own purposes, then throw you away when they don’t need you anymore. It doesn’t matter how long you were there for them… a month, a year, listening to all their problems, supporting them through all their hard times, going out of your way and ignoring your own situation to help theirs, being with them and helping them deal with the worst moments in their life… in the end, none of it matters. It does not matter if you saved them from the brink of depression, they forget you, toss you away like you never meant anything to them.

And who knows, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you were just… convenient. You where there when no one else was, so they used you up. Then, when other came along, they realised they didn’t need you anymore, so they left you.

And it’s not just the bad times. Maybe you were there through the good times. Maybe you were the REASON for those good times. Of course, in the end it’s them same. The had their fun. They got bored. They left you all alone.

 

Still… These aren’t the bad ones. Oh no, not at all. The WORST ones are the people so manipulative, so cruel, that the keep coming back to you again and again. They find a way of making you think they have changed, or that they really truly need you this time. Then… they are gone again. Once more, you are nothing to them, until they need you again.

I hate it. I am way to trusting. I let these people into my life again and again, allowing them to toy with me, use me, then watch as they leave me… until they return needing something else. Time and time again I allow these people to manipulate me.

When will the cycle end?

 

How True.

 

Yep. I’m lying in bed, typing this up on my phone. Why? Because I can.

Yes, I’m kinda in a strange mood. Why? Not really sure. Although I’m not all emo, the-world-hates-me like I was the last time I posted. Nope, I am back to my usualy, timid, quiet self.

…Yeah right.

Ok, so some interesting things that happened today. Hmm… I realised that I wanted an iPhone, not because I like them, I hate those tiny touchscreens. Nope, I wanted it for the apps. Wow. iPhones have a hell of a lot of awesome apps. Also, I need a new place to put all my music, my 4GB ZotA (get it anyone?) just doesn’t cut it anymore. Sometime after reaching 30GB I realised I needed an upgrade.

What else… Oh yeah! I crushed my 3 littlest toes on my left foot by walking into a wall. I REALLY have to stop walking into things. I mean, falling up stairs is bad enough already…

Anything else? Oh, I accidently kinda sorta melted a plastic plate in the microwave.

Yep, that’s all :)

…Until someone stops it. Or something like that.

And to drop in another, all good things must come to an end. Why? Because if they didn’t, life would be easy. And enjoyable. And obviously we can’t have that. Life must be an endless struggle, full of heartbreak, lose and pain. No, not a circle. Circles are uniform. Spiral. Spirals get bigger. Just like how life’s problems get bigger. How everything just continues to “spiral downward” (oh yeah I’m awesome) until you have completely… given up.

Alright, so that’s a super emo look at life. I guess there is always the optimistic route. “Oh yeah, everything happens for a reason, life will get better, I’ll start shitting gold” and all that crap. Sure, I’m usually that type. Or I try to be. But really, is there any point? As soon as something good happens, the same old problems rise up and you are stuck with another load of crap to deal with.

It would be soo good to just… switch off. Not care about anyone or anything. Unfortunately, most people seem to be missing that switch. Me included. So we are forced to sit through our shit pile of a life, watching all the “lucky” people cruise by. We complain about everything that happens, complain about how fucked up our lives are, complain how everyone else seems to have it better than us.

There’s another one, the one about the grass. “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Bull. And. Shit. I’ve jumped the fence, I’ve been to the other side, and I can tell you that the shiny green grass is nothing but a green spray painted lump of manure.

So really, what do we have left? Our lives suck, their lives suck, everyone’s life sucks. What the hell is the point of anything then? Why both going through the same thing, feeling the same way time and time again?

Back to the title. Which I really should change to spiral, but I really can’t be fucked. It’s back to a wheel. And the wheel isn’t all bad. There are those extremely small and rare moments when life seems slightly less crap. Those small spots where the wheel hasn’t touched the muddy road. It’s those moments I look for. The ones I relive over and over again. Those blissful memories of a time when everything just seemed so… right.

Sure may not happen a lot. Haven’t had a reason to be truly happy for a long time. Screw that. I’m going to keep looking for those small moments. Appreciate the tiny amount of happiness I receive occasionally. Sure, it isn’t much. But it’s all I’ve bloody got left. Might as well enjoy it.