So I didn’t actually write this… after finally being bored enough to visit MLIT, I found this legendary post. I spent some time going through it, and wrote down the best comments below to form a story of the world’s greatest warriors joining forces to once and for all defeat this… abomination.



  “The Department of Magical Affairs is investigating claims of sparkling vampires and shapeshifting wolves nearly starting a war with Italy. This is a matter of Magical Security. Do not be alarmed, we have the situation under control. Thank you and please contact local Aurors if assistance is needed.”

   “As an ordinary wizarding parent trying to raise a family, I greatly appreciate all that the Ministry is currently doing to make the world a safer place for everyone. After the War, I’d started to lose faith in the Ministry entirely, but the fact that you guys are standing up to protect the people of the wizarding world means a lot to me. Especially since I’ll be able to let my screaming, teenage daughter out of the basement, where I locked her as soon as she went swirly eyed and started glomping everything that sparkles. I do believe that these monstrosities are spreading Amorentia.”



   “We have heard of this disgrace all the way in the Shire, and this is Frodo Baggins, reporting for duty. Samwise is contacting Aslan in Narnia, and from what me Hobbit ears have heard, the USS Enterprise is on its way as well. We can meet you at Hogwarts as soon as we are finished with Second Breakfast".”

   “Frodo, we will meet you, Samwise, Merry, Pippin, as well as the forces of the Dwarves, Imladris, and Mirkwood at the Havens. Lorien and Rohan will journey with us. To Master Skywalker, Captain Kirk and Commander Spock, as well as Mr. Lestat– we are ever-grateful for more assistance, This is more than one world can handle alone… Sincerely, King Elessar of Gondor.

   “Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you STAND, Men of the West! You have the aid of Gondor in this quest. As you already know, the Shire is ready to act, and the Elves are preparing themselves. Middle Earth marches to war once more.”

   “What of the Dwarves? Or do they hide in the mountains, seeking riches and caring nothing for the troubles of others?

   “Thank you for your concern. I have received word from Gimli son of Gloin that the Dwarves will be joining the Elves in this war effort. So you may rest assured that ALL of Middle-Earth will respond to this threat. Sincerely yours, King Elessar of Gondor.



   “Ah! Earth, twentieth century! The air is fresh, no aliens are attacking, and… what’s this in the newspaper? Vampires are attacking the city? And they sparkle? …what? What? WHAT? Blimey, these invasions are getting weirder every time. Donna! Stop looking for the hatbox, we’ve got work to do! If only we still had one of those bowships… ooh! I know what I’ll do! I *think* I have the commlink number for the Serenity somewhere… Captain Reynolds? I think I have a job for you.

   “Sorry I’m late everyone, Had some trouble with The Rift and I didn’t get the message till too late! Gwen and I will be over soon and will help with the situation we’ve got going on here. Doctor, can you send me the co-ordinates?

   “Kirk here. The Enterprise has received your coordinates and we are en route to assist in any way possible. After being fully briefed on the gravity of the situation, I have advised the crew that all phasers should be set to "kill". We should be there in a few hours. Kirk out.



   “Luke Skywalker here. You have the Jedi on your side. They haven’t yet reached our galaxy far, far away, but we’ve got the co-ordinates for Earth and we are headed there right away. The Sith Lord and Darth Vader have even made a truce with the Jedi. Captian Kirk, can we hitch a ride with you and Spock? The Millenium Falcon’s almost run out of fuel, and Mos Espa’s about a lightyear away. May the force be with you.

   “Luke, the Enterprise and her crew would be honored to assist you. We have received your coordinates and are preparing to rendezvous. Commander Spock would also like me to add: "Live long and prosper". Kirk out.

   “The SSV Normandy is on its way to your location, our weapons are fully charged and the ground team is prepped. You have our support.

   “Am I too late to attack the pathetic excuses of vampires? Pikachu and I got here as fast as we could, seeing that apparently Team Rocket’s message got blasted off again. Charizard’s a bit peaked about having to use Fly so often, but hopefully he has enough juice left to exterminate the one with the deformed nipple.

   “The Clans thank you for informing us of these ‘vampires’. We’ve had experiences with wolves before, and lost many great warriors to them. FireClan is preparing for battle as we speak. I spoke with Eragon Shadeslayer a half-moon ago, and he and Brightscales were eager to join this fight.

   “Cloud Strife here, Sparkly Vampire Freak Fans, have also taken over Midgar, our group of people have decided to join the fight against these people…hopefully, they’ll be out of our hair soon!

   “Timothy McGee here from NCIS. NCIS was notified of the current situation and I assure you the best agents in the US are on the case. My team-mates are ready for action. Ziva is sharpening her best knives, Tony is quoting GOOD vampire movies, Gibbs went out for more coffee earlier with an evil smirk on his face and I was ordered to inform The Department of Magical Affairs. We will all be ready to head to Washington soon. I think the FBI was also informed, but I doubt that they’d do much about these strange creatures and the stupid girl that’s caught in the middle of it. We’re ready to help!

   “Dear Mrs. Crawley, I have managed to round up at least 70 vampires from the town of Los Angles to assist you in your task. Give us a place and a few days, and we’ll be there to feed on however many sparkly vampires you need us to. Don’t worry if they bring guns or stakes, there is no possible way that they could get enough silver for all of us. And, as a final note, we will be armed. Heavily. -Mick St.John, P.I.




   “My only excuse for Giles not finding out about this is that he keeps his ear to the ground for demons, not glittery immortal fairy stalkerboys. The Scoobies are on the case, even if we’re a little late! I’ve got Willow researching about the problem in these totally creepy books (she’s just a few chapters in, but I don’t know how much more she can take). Xander is sharpening me some new stakes, although I can’t say how much use they’re going to be–as far as I know, they only work against real vampires. Hey, if we can take the Hellmouth, we can take these guys! One Chosen One coming right up!

   “*sighs, rolls eyes* Sorry for the double post, but Xander will NOT leave me alone. He wants me to tell you, Captain Kirk and Commander Spock, that he is honored to be serving alongside you in the fight against the sparklepires, and would it be possible for him to get autographs later?




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